Injections-Day 5

I'm a pro. That's right...stab me, shoot me, I can do it! Okay...so for real...I still get a little bit of a freak out shiver whenever I think about shots, giving myself a shot, looking at people getting shots etc...AND, it does take me like a half hour to actually do the shot (20 minutes of motivation: "it won't hurt, Emily. You KNOW it won't." "Don't worry. The needle is not big enough to stab any vital organs!"). BUT HEY! I CAN do it! And I am the most needle-freaked person out there!

Injections-Review Day 1, 2, 3 & 4

So, we started injections on Saturday. I've been really REALLY nervous about them. Needles are my greatest fear in life. Frogs, nope. Spiders, nope. Flying, no problem. Needles, **cringe**, freak out moment just thinking about them. Needless to say, I've had lots of time over the past couple years to get used to them. I've learned to cope (not even tolerate) having my blood drawn (thank goodness Dr. H has an amazing phlebotomist in his office). When you have your blood taken 4 times in 2 weeks, you have to learn coping methods (breathe deep, poke your hand with fingernails, and don't look, repeat DON'T LOOK!). Anytime we've had to do an at home injection (only 1 per cycle, not daily injections), Sung has given it to me and I NEVER look! So, with this next step in our journey being injections (at least a week of daily shots), I decided my goal was to give it to myself. Might as well take this opportunity to overcome a phobia! So, here's a review of my progress for days 1, 2, & 3 of injection giving:

Day 1: I held the needle and tried and tried, but I couldn't put it into my skin (I guess it means I'm not naturally masochistic!)...So, Sung poked me, but I watched (which I NEVER do)...And, I pushed the plunger (the painful part). So good job!

Day 2: We were at a friends house for dinner and I haven't really told anyone about us doing this, and I was nervous about making sure I gave the shot in time...SO, I still couldn't do it by myself! BUT, Sung held my hand and poked me (the poking part doesn't actually hurt that bad) while I held the needle and again I pushed the plunger (Youch!).

Day 3: I DID IT!!!!!! We were at a friends house again, and let them know what was going (since it was just Sung and I and the two of them). So, after much coaching and encouragement (and a timer from Sung--he tried to give me only 2 minutes...let's just say it took more like 9 min), I finally did it! And it wasn't too bad. And, I felt so liberated to know that I could do it myself!

Day 4: I'm a pro! Okay...not quite...but I can now give myself a shot! I tried it in my thigh this time instead of my abdomen. I felt like the skin was a little tighter so it scared me a little to poke it. But, it was fairly easy and the injecting the medication part didn't seem to hurt as bad. So, I might have found a new spot to shoot myself. ;)

I've been a little worried about the prospect of doing more shots. If we were to get into more intensive procedures (ie IVF), we might have to do intra-muscular shots at home, and that TOTALLY freaks me out! Instead of a little half inch needle, the IM needles are like and inch and a half!!! AHH! I can't do it! ...Yes I can...breathe...Yes I can...If I have to, I will...breathe...

Okay, so here's to big success this week! I'm still freaked out by needles/shots, but I can give myself a baby one!

Injections to Begin Shortly

So, I got my wonderful package of injections today! YAY! After the pain of having to get my prescription and order my meds with my usual, wonderful, extremely knowledgeable and dependable nurse on vacation, it was great to finally get my the meds in on time. Since my insurance doesn't cover injection medications if we do ANY type of infertility procedure (even IUI), we're doing a couple cycles without any procedures and "stocking up" on the meds for the future. (If the insurance is going to work me over, I'll work the insurance right back!) I've determined that my goal in doing these couple of "small scale" injection cycles is to get the courage to give myself the shots. So far, anytime we've had to do an at home shot, Sung has given it to me. BUT, I'm determined to be able to at least do the sub-cutaneous shots myself (after all, with IVF there is a VERY good chance I'll have to, if Sung isn't around). So, tonight we start the shots. I think I'll go ahead and try to do it tonight. Here's to hoping for success on my part! YIKES!

That Word You Never Thought You'd Hear...

Infertility. That's right...(I originally decided to go private to tell my story, but being quite the blog stalker myself, I decided I really didn't know who needed to hear my story to get through their own.) Being in a religion where families are the central focus of everything, it's a hard word to hear and a hard condition to accept. But, we have and we're dealing. A little history:

We've been trying for a few years now to start a family. We started infertility a couple years ago. We don't know what's happening. So we're categorized in the "unknown problem" group of infertility. Here's a little about our/my medication history for those curious infertiles out there, we've been through 5 rounds of Clomid (oh, the hot flashes!), then 3 cycles of Femara (no IUIs with either). Then, I got my current "big girl" job and we took a break from infertility treatments for a year (but to no avail in the baby department). We started back earlier this year and so far we've done two more rounds of Femara (2nd one with IUI), switched and did 2 rounds of Tamoxifen (both with IUI), and now we're about to start a round of injections (Menopur).

It's been a rough road. Good days, bad days, days that I can tackle the world, days that I want to crawl in a hole, days that I've had to call a friend on emergency to give me a shot on my lunch break (I like to call it a shot and run!), but overall I'm still determined. We've been so blessed in our life that we can't complain about much else. So, it helps to know that we've accepted this as a part of our life and know this is our journey that we need to go through. So, I've decided to use this forum as an infertility journal for now. I want a place I can vent about meds or fears or exciting results or whatever! Hopefully it will be a VERY short story and I won't have to write about it for long. But, if not...that's life...gotta make lemonade!

Going Private

So, I know I have avoided blogging recently. It's not that there isn't much going on. It's just that I haven't wanted to publicly announce everything in my life. BUT, I need an outlet! I need a place to document and journalize our journey right now. So, I'm going private so that I can freely vent my feelings and tell our story to those who truly care. If you would like to follow our journey we're going on right now, please just comment with your email address or Facebook or email me it! I plan on making this officially private around the beginning of September.